Remuorse™: Regret, Responsibly Deferred
Why feel bad now when you can schedule it for later? A tech startup revolutionizes guilt with the Emotional Delay Engine™ — and the world thanks them. For now.
Remuorse: Regret, Optimized
Launch Blog Post — April 7
What if guilt didn't have to be instant? What if remorse could wait until you were ready?
At Remuorse, we've reimagined regret. Our patent-pending Emotional Delay Engine (EDE™) allows users to schedule and personalize their feelings of guilt, shame, or moral unease.
Late-night text to an ex? Schedule remorse for Tuesday. Drank four margaritas before your child’s recital? Delay shame until next quarter. Voted? Select your term-length.
Remuorse is regret, responsibly deferred.
User Testimonials (Publicly Available)
@SnoozeySusan
"I ghosted my therapist and felt NOTHING for 3 months! Remuorse let me enjoy Bali in peace. Five stars."
Chadwick B.
"Bought crypto at the top, used Remuorse to push the regret out 5 years. That was 4.5 years ago. Gonna be a rough August."
Tina L.
"My entire wedding was powered by Remuorse. No cold feet, no panic. Now I have 18 months to emotionally process the fact that I married a man named Stetson."
Internal Investor Brief (Confidential)
Monthly Active Regretters (MAR): 1.6M and rising. Top-Performing Delay Settings:
- 1 year (42%)
- "After tax season" (17%)
- "When I'm stronger" (9%)
Strategic Opportunities:
- Integrations with HR platforms (layoff guilt bundling)
- Military contracts (delayed drone strike remorse)
- Teen edition (age-gated for irony)
Risks:
- Black market "remorse acceleration" tools emerging among early adopters.
- Growing segment of regret hoarders.
Employee Ethics Memo (Draft)
To: All Remuorse Staff
From: People & Culture
Please stop scheduling remorse for product decisions within the Remuorse platform.
This includes:
- Pushing out regret for the "regret for others" feature.
- Delaying shame related to our teen monetization model.
- Deferring moral weight of the Q3 layoffs.
We understand these decisions are difficult. Please discuss with your team leads before deleting your conscience.
Coming Soon: Remuorse Pro Regret in bulk. Shame that syncs across devices. APIs for scalable self-loathing.